Uncensored Heart

The nightmare begins because the demons I thought I had packed up and put away by throwing away the key are back. I thought I was over it. Shoot, I would have sworn I was over it. I am happiest being alone with just my daughter through these years and I never thought that was an issue. Well apparently it is. That frame of mind is apparently abnormal. I wasn’t aware of this since I never talked to anyone about it. I assumed it was a bad childhood, I’m done and move on. I did…my emotions did not.  So why the poltergeist effect you ask? Well, remember in the last posting I said I have a fiancée…..obviously that means groups, parties, holidays and family. Thoughts which would give someone warm fuzzies and love of family. Well….that puts me in complete panic mode. I’m in fight or flight. Its like telling me I will be tortured for a year and I better enjoy it. So the more I have to face it the more panic I am in. The thought terrifies me more than anything else in this world. Wh...

I am going to change the topic of this blog just a little bit. I have a secret I have been living with as long as I can remember. My demons have come out again and writing seems to be my best outlet. I am a child of alcoholics. Yes, plural. I am going to tell my story..... As an adult child of alcoholics I can honestly say I never realized how much we carry with us into our adult life. I know for me personally I became a fantastic Oscar worthy actress. I grew up and basically took all my experiences and emotions and packed them neatly into a suitcase. I then threw the suitcase in a huge trunk, locked it down and threw away the key. Or so I thought. I was in for such a surprise it shook me to my core.  A little background….my family and I immigrated to this country in 1983. I was in kindergarten at the time. We went through 2 or so years where neither or just 1 of my parents were able to find work. I remember times where we ate the same thing for a week straight. I even...

If every person in a relationship either marriage or otherwise embraced this poem just a little maybe our hate and seperation would not run so deep. Marriage "You were born together, and together you shall be for ever-more. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not fro...