Uncensored Heart

I learned a few things about myself these past few days. Some of the revelations were good, while others disheartening. I listened to my priest talk about love. Love for humankind, the spiritual kind that goes hand in hand with forgiveness. I learned, as I sat there getting lost in the environment and in his words feeling like I was home, completely and totally home. I have not been able to say that anywhere else of at any other place. That is scary since as the old adage goes “home is where the heart is” then where is my heart? Have I lost it or buried it in such a profound way, I don’t recognize it? Then as I drive to work this morning, I realize something else…..Im watching the sun come up on the horizon with the clouds floating ever so gently and yet looking as ferocious mountains ready to collapse on the world. The gentle sprinkle of rain on the windshield or the sway of the wind in the wheat grass. It all comes together in one magnificent morning. But when you break it all ...

Love can be and is an awe-inspiring experience. Regardless of the kind of love we experience it still leaves us in a whirlwind of happy, almost heavenly peace. Think about it, it becomes a physical experience. You lose weight, you can’t sleep, you tremble with joy at the mere thought of seeing your love. At least that is the way it should be. The feelings we get encompassed in are as powerful as the emotion itself. We lose sight of ourselves and who we are while getting completely lost in the other person. I will not downgrade it and say it is anything less than an amazing and beautiful experience. I, however, am torn between allowing myself to get lost in that or fighting it completely. I had an amazing experience this past week. I allowed myself to get lost in the presence of the man who stole my heart more than a decade ago. I forgot all sense of time and place and was filled with a maddening urgency to fulfill my physical and emotional need. It was a hunger that became very d...

You invaded my   private   world with your beautiful smile and understanding heart, And I wondered to myself that you were different right from the very start. You listened without judgment to what I had about me to say, And even after I was done with the good, the bad, the ugly you still didn't run away. We developed a friendship with trust, with no walls to build or guard, We decided to leave the past behind and step into the good that could be no matter our discomfort or how hard. I've grown to love you with no hidden agenda or false pretense but with only the real me, Letting you get to know about me what most people never see. I'm writing this to you for you to understand, That spending time with you is so precious I never want to let go your hand. The time that we spend apart cannot equal when we are together, I miss you oh too much but when we meet again will be so much better. Our time   apart for me helps me see that you are what I have for many years...

In life's enchanted garden many blossoms there to see And in the center of them all is life's enchanted tree The blossoms are the friendships we've encountered through the years Helped us through our trials had us triumph through our fears The wonders of the center tree with roots stretched deep within Is the Source that gives us life and cleansed us from all sin with branches wide and outstretched reach out wide to you and me To comfort our weary souls from bondage, they set us free So go to   your   enchanted garden and there you're sure to find A breath of life's purest air which will calm your weary mind

Trapped with nowhere to turn, life is changing beyond my control, causing this deep ache in the bottom of my soul. Someone else is pulling the strings, oh to fly, oh for wings. Escape, I want to dig myself out, filled with despair, filled with doubt. Mute not able to express, this gnawing pain and feeling of relentless distress. Tears that is not visible to the naked eye, silent screams that no one can hear. I try to speak but nothing can express, this feeling of sadness and worthlessness. Emotional pain, walks with me through the day, and sleeps with me through the night, leaving me depletes with no strength to fight. Anger for not having the courage to turn things around, keeping me anchored to this remorse, not able to untie the chains and change my course. False pride rules supreme, always there to whisper in my ear. Time, wasted and badly spent, lots of hurt, lots to repent. Solace, please come and calm my soul, for this is what I need to make me whole. Empathy, what ...

I have been told that we are all on different paths in life and they must all be walked in different ways. Some go through beautiful landscapes while others go through a proverbial swamp. As cliché as the saying is…”life’s a journey, not a destination” rings true. We are spiritual beings, living transient lives. When we die, we can’t take anything with us, so it begs the question of why work your entire life to accumulate crap that will be short lived. Judgment comes to the spirit and soul…it is who you are not how much crap you’ve accumulated or how pretty your exterior walls are. This past weekend I have been told in a spiritual debate that the goal in life is to be happy and prosper while growing as an individual. That brought up many questions in my mind. What exactly is the idea of prosperous and happy? I know what Webster’s dictionary means and I know how I define it, but does that meaning hold true to others as well. The answer is no. I know this because this weekend turne...

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” “…..with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,…” Beautiful words fallen on deaf ears as a race. I am curious, since I am in this exploratory phase in life, how many of us truly live by these words and hold them close to their heart. I am not brave enough to question how many actually practice it, just simple question of comprehension. I’m voting far fewer than the “general public”. Let’s be honest, these words are a hallmark gesture given in a card on special occasions, therefore, they are meaningless to the person you hand them to. Love is all of the above, it isn’t how much monetary value the other person has or how pretty you can be when going out because it is a worldwide crisis if the makeup isn’t perfect and hair is exact down to the last strand. Money cannot and will never buy beauty. For the sake of sounding cliché, beauty is your ...

“ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” This has always been a passage I have found close to heart and home. It transcends any and all questions or concerns of the soul; or at least it should. Ideally, one would think that we as a race embody this everyday of our lives. I used to think this should be how we treat and see each other as couples. Every person, man or woman growing up has an ideal of what their husband or wife should be and how they would feel before committing their life to one another. Then life happens. There is a stigma or societal...

This is a compilation of emotions I read from a person I counsel (yes I have their permission) and it brings me fond memories of a person in my own life who embodies the very words written below.... I love his soft eyes and the way that he catches me by surprise and he never has to wear a disguise. I love the way that he kisses me and the way that he misses me. I love how we got that open relationship. Telling each other exactly how we feel, Telling me to always be real. I love how you can make me smile from so many miles away, Holding on to every word you say. You bring so much joy in my heart, And you did right from the start. Ever since that night, you changed my life, I love how we have so much in common. I love how you see beyond what other guys see, The real me. You notice the little things, We understand each other on a different level. I’m so grateful to be a part of your life. To make a long story short, I love everything about you and our relationship… ...

“Love....hopes. It is the olive leaf ----evidence of dry land after a flood. Proof to the dreamer that dreaming is worth the risk.” I am starting this story with one of my favorite mantra’s. It is also said, biblically that true love holds no record of wrongs. So, here I was this morning mindlessly staring at the sunrise from my rooftop parking deck. Of course, since I can be completely logical even in emotional situations (a fact I was told by a good friend is virtually impossible) I will analyze even the wretched organs choices. It is exhausting when inner battles of brain and heart never seem to cease. The endless bickering is enough to make one mad. Fortunately, my brain seems to over ride even the wretched organ. Back to one’s heart. No matter how smart or stubborn or centered you are the willful beast has a mind of its own and chooses to love or not love whoever it sees fit. We have no control over that. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, however, I do ...