Mid-Storm

Love can be and is an awe-inspiring experience. Regardless of the kind of love we experience it still leaves us in a whirlwind of happy, almost heavenly peace. Think about it, it becomes a physical experience. You lose weight, you can’t sleep, you tremble with joy at the mere thought of seeing your love. At least that is the way it should be. The feelings we get encompassed in are as powerful as the emotion itself. We lose sight of ourselves and who we are while getting completely lost in the other person. I will not downgrade it and say it is anything less than an amazing and beautiful experience. I, however, am torn between allowing myself to get lost in that or fighting it completely.

I had an amazing experience this past week. I allowed myself to get lost in the presence of the man who stole my heart more than a decade ago. I forgot all sense of time and place and was filled with a maddening urgency to fulfill my physical and emotional need. It was a hunger that became very difficult to fight. I couldn’t tell where I began and he ended. We were truly one that night in every conceivable definition of that term.

This experience has left me almost terrified. It is not for the reason one would think. I sat there and wondered if I walked away from him, from this amazing and almost spiritual experience with a man, would I ever find it again?

These questions plague me daily, however, not in as much as to stop me. The drive and desires of one’s heart are the most difficult to break oneself of. It seems to be sweet passion and desire of the flesh and soul that make one forget time and space. It is this very center of raw, unconditional love that drives and motivates most of us to find. We search and try for most of our lives and never find something so complete.

Let’s not forget the other side of the coin. The most completely engulfing love, those that we carry a decade still come with their share of pain, guilt and sorrows. They are not perfect, as they are not divine. We remain and wonder if our sorrow is worth it. Thus far, I am more than willing to take on much more punishment for the solace and love that embraces me. I pray everyone find something so pure, unconditional and raw in their lifetime as it is an experience that touches the spirit and the soul.