Tantrums

Why do we yell and hurt each other when we fight or argue? Is it as some think that we are passionate and if we don’t yell we don’t care? I have even heard that a good argument is great and healthy for a relationship. So, my question remains…why do we yell when the other person is right next to us? I have been thinking on this a lot and it took a lot of researching for the answer to find it. I know I do it too, yell when I’m angry. I do it to my fiancée and to my daughter, friends, you name it. When anger hits I am off the hook and can’t see rhyme or reason and first natural reaction is to yell. Why? It makes me feel better, that the other person can hear me and I’m getting all of my frustration out. But am I really? No. The only thing I accomplish is to anger myself even more. When I am angry, I also take what I lovingly call cheap shots. You know little remarks that you know will affect the other person negatively. Yet, you do it anyways because it gives you temporary pleasure. A few seconds worth of accomplishment to feed out selfish needs.

So, why do we yell and hurt people when we are angry? The answer is very simple. When we allow anger to take hold of us, our hearts…the wretched organ that is a chasm of love….it becomes separated from love and thereby the other person. When it is separated and drenched in anger it doesn’t hear. It is completely closed off to the other person and thereby we yell, scream, and kick. As silly as this maybe it is ever so true. Think about it for a small fraction of a second. When you are angry and yelling….where in that do you remember how much you love the other person and the fear and shame of hurting them? I don’t give it a second thought. I am so busy being angry that until the argument is over and I’ve had a few minutes does regret and shame start reeling into my mind. Remember well even the Bible says anger is a natural emotion and we should allow it to go through us…Christ himself went through anger. Be angry but do not sin. We do the first part very well as humans…whether through materialism or selfishness but the second part we forget it completely.

Think of it this way….when you are in love with a person and not fighting or arguing over trivial things…and they all are….the person whispers and we hear it. My love and I simply look at each other and I know what he is feeling and thinking. He doesn’t have to say a word. So why can’t the opposite be true? Because we are selfish and cannot believe we actually wield a very powerful weapon. Untamed and wild we wield a tongue. That is more destructive than we seem to want to believe. Why? Because we are too awesome to do that. No denying it either. We are selfish beings. Selfishness is not compartmentalized into only being so in some aspects but we are models of humanity in others.

Next time you get angry, try to stop yourself and check yourself before breaking out the tongue. Remember it can comfort greatly or hurt just as much. See if you can stop yourself when you are yelling and think for a minute how distant your heart has grown from the person you are yelling at. I tried it the other morning and its amazing the result I achieved. Argument stopped and apologies ensued.