Infactuation or love

I once read that to be truly in love you must be willing to put yourself in a position to be hurt emotionally and mentally. Think about that for a minute. How willing are you as an individual to put yourself in a place where you accept the pain willingly and silently. Why? Because you truly love the person to the very core of your being. Now, whether or not the other person will ever hurt you in anyway is a given. They will. Why? Because we are human and therefore imperfect. We will disappoint those in our lives who deserve it the least. We have all done it. The dreaded but known feeling of waking up in the morning and thinking to yourself…”oh shit, what have I done”. Welcome to the human race.

The true test of love is bearing the bad situations and coming out stronger. When things are good in our relationships we take things for granted and ignore everything else because we don’t want to deal with pain, fighting or actually the realization of you have to deal with yourself. Yes. You. I know that’s a tough pill to swallow. Newsflash! You are not perfect and without flaw. Your mouth opens and speaks before your brain or heart even acknowledged a thought. 

So, back to the true test of love. Is it patient? Are you willing to wait forever? Answer honestly. No one is there to grade you on what you say. Most of us have grown accustomed to the socially acceptable timelines. You start dating and somewhere in the 1 year mark, give or take, if everything is going well an engagement is anticipated….following a wedding date by your 2 year. I know people who have reached that point and when he didn’t propose an ultimatum was set. Well if you love me then you have to marry me. Where is that a law? Short of something else is happening within the relationship a proposal should come when both parties are ready. There is no timeline in love. Shoot if that was the case then I am way late. Im not in my 20’s anymore and I never married while in my 20’s after college. Quite the opposite. I wanted to grab life by the horns, live it, learn it. I woke up one day and figured out I was madly in love with a man I thought I could never have. Broken hearts ville to discover that what your heart wants is the one thing you cant have. Or is it?

Let me tell you a short story. I met my love years ago. Quite accidentally. We became friends. We grew closer by just that…listening, talking and advising. Then the man disappeared from my life and after he was gone I got a rude awakening of the heart. It hurt. It mourned and cried. I was dumbfounded. Why would it feel like a break up? We were friends. Well my heart at the time screamed at me that he is the one. The other half of my soul. I thought my heart needed psychological therapy. It was crazy. I couldn’t have this man not to mention he was completely gone from my life. Surprise surprise surprise….guess who 7 years after that initial encounter? Oh yeah. I was never more happy then when being able to talk to him. And never about anything important, just the weather, the news, etc. Then I got to see him. And  I realized I was ass over teacups in love. And of course, my first response was…well I cant have him, we are friends. I couldn’t help myself though and I breeched the topic of feelings….AFTER….I left him. To this day I remember his response…that feelings were an absolute no and we need to leave it there. So, I had my answer. My heart had evidently lost its lil mind. So, I then decided I couldn’t talk to him anymore and certainly not see him. I was in love and it hurt. I wasn’t sure Id ever be able to be just friends. I mean this was a friendship for relatively short amount of time and then we lost touch completely for over 7 years…and yet the heart waited ever so patiently. So, after that I didn’t see him or talk to him again for 2-3 years. I even made plans to move as far west as possible to ensure that Id never run into him again. I was at a point I yearned for him like your body yearns for water when dehydrated. While he was an ever present thought in the back of my mind constantly, the pain subsided. Stupid heart got the clue and I suppose let go. Then I saw him…again accidentally. We hugged like old friends do and my immediate reaction was never to let go. Of course I kept that meeting arms length. We exchanged numbers and that was it. Two months later I get a call. We met for drinks and to talk and I allowed myself platonic but shut down the emotional side, although he kept throwing hints. I ignored. Then one day I get a text….”I love you. God I love you so very much”. Well…platonic went out the window. Here we are falling in love deeper every day and building a stronger relationship.

Why did I tell everyone that story? Because Im hoping to get the point across that there is no time limit to when you are supposed to fall in love. You just do and you deal with the hardships as they come. Ill be honest…I used to run. Never wanting to be attached. After all these years of running from each other I realized that the only place I belong is with him. In his arms and next to him through whatever life throws at us. The funny part is…we have grown stronger and have fallen so much more in love than I ever thought possible. 

Back to the original question…the measure of love is in the hard times…not the good. You must be willing to stand firm and next to each other and work things out…understanding that neither of you is perfect. Love can and does heal when you least expect it. It finds you when you least expect it…and will test the strength of that bond over and over until it is no longer a test but a mere hill on the path you walk together. 

Remember love comes with pain but is patient, kind and endures. It holds no record of wrongs. Anything less than that is merely infatuation.