Family....Friend....or Foe

“You can be pitiful or you can be powerful, but you cannot be both at the same time”
                         Joyce Meyer

I start with this phrase because today I would like to switch gears a bit if I may and touch on a topic I know is relevant to most people I know and see. Perhaps some may even have the answer. What I want to bring up is self-esteem in today’s society. I know we can all agree that it is something a great majority has an issue with and it stems from a lot of different reasons, however, I would wager weight is one of the most prominent. I bring this up because I have had a recent experience that kind of shook me to the core and it made me realize that it is a much bigger problem than most people realize. The second part to that is that one’s self-esteem can be controlled by their environment. It is similar to those saying that hate is not born but rather taught/learned. I believe that whole-heartedly just as I believe that how we see ourselves is ingrained in us from childhood. What mot people never….and I mean never….accept or realize is that this is one topic where reverse psychology does not work.

As an example, I am your average girl, not thin but not obese either. In the last year or so I have had a heel spur which then turned into basic relentless pain in both feet. I haven’t walked normal in a year. I have recently gotten some treatment and am starting to be myself to some degree. However, because of the foot pain any movement hurt to no end. I would be ok for about an hour in the morning and then in pain for the whole day. I can’t even begin to explain the pain levels. I did find out it is psoriatic arthritis and am being treated, nonetheless, because of this issue my movements have been lessened greatly. I can no longer take my dogs out for walks and cringe at the thought getting up from the table. That being said one can reason that I have gained some weight. My own mother was visiting us last Christmas and had made a comment to my husband. He, not wanting conflict decided not to tell me while she was here. Therefore, after she left to go home he starts out with telling me he is concerned that I do not get enough exercise. I stated the obvious of “well duh, I can’t walk so that would be correct”….he continues with this same line of conversation. I thought this was weird, but shrugged it off. At one point as we were talking…mind you, he also has psoriatic arthritis and knows my pain. He blurts out that my mom was talking to him and she stated she was afraid I would end up weighing 350+ pounds if I didn’t do something. I am nowhere close to that number so I have no idea where she got it, but nonetheless. It truly annoyed me because this is my family…wtf is that? They all know what I have been dealing with and this is their concern!!! Who gives a dam what I look like as long as I am healthy. They see me struggle to stand up and have to wait until pain goes away before I can take any steps and their concern is I am not thin enough?!?!?!?

My husband I cannot and do not blame. He dealt with it and then became a runner. Therefore, he exercised daily. He walks a lot in his job so that covers that and stays active. I used to be the same until this foot pain got worse. He, on the other hand I do not blame because he loves me regardless. I mean for heavens sake, he married me when I wasn’t at my prettiest. I love him for that and want to be better for him. My mother on the other hand…..so threatening that she believes I will be overly obese is going to make me say “oh no, I must do something”….sadly because I know her I know the intention isn’t health as it is for my husband but rather a looks theory. Cosmetically I am too fat for the family. That is what I hear from them all.

Does this make me want to see my family and spend time with them? Ummm….hell no. I want to run in the other direction as fast as I can.


Continued in next piece……

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Torment

It is almost impossible to judge ones true heart and reaction. I found that out tonight as I sit staring out into the cold rain. I thought for sure that after the “Love” story, which is my own that I could get over it. I mean how difficult is it to come to terms with a loss one never saw coming? My mind swears it should be a pang and then one walks away. You continue on with life, while somewhere in the subconscious crevices of the brain you continue the process of working through it. Eventually with time it gets easier and better to deal with. Theoretically, that sounds like a very good and very sound plan. But then you realize that you are thinking with your mind and not your heart. The wretched organ squirms and fights every step of the way and every minute. It seems as though no matter what your brain comes up with, your heart completely and utterly disagrees. This inner battle of heart and mind is enough to tear anyone to shreds. I can’t help but fight the urge to run away. Cod...
Read more

Hypocrisy

Anger seethes through my veins. While I do not pretend to be the perfect Christian, follow all dogma and live a perfect life I am enraged that some who call themselves just that practice the complete opposite. That phrase holds very little meaning in today’s Christian communities. I have seen more negativity, back turning and stabbing in today’s proverbial Christians than I do in those around me that profess to be Agnostic. It is truly sad that we can’t as humans get together for one another when in need, but then to have the audacity to label yourself a follower and true believer in Christ makes my blood boil. As I sit her writing, I almost don’t know where to start. Listening to the radio while running errands I was tuned into a talk show. The kind that you call in and get advice. Today’s topic was Christianity and our believe system in that. I was floored at some of these calls. One in particular stood out. A woman had called in stated that she was married with 2 children and a...
Read more

Silence

The girl sat on the edge of the couch intently looking at me. I wasn’t sure exactly what to think or say at this point. She completely threw me into my longest lived nightmare within a 10 minute conversation. She was asking for help and advice and all I could do was sit in silence and fear. Fear for knowing exactly how she felt and fear for her as I have seen many people in her very situation and unfortunately the cons far outweigh the pros. Outcomes are typically sad and filled with sorrow whether in direct correlation to the person or the indirect affects in the person’s close circle of friends and family.   My first reaction was to scream at her a simple “get out, run and do it now”. But I couldn’t. I could not bring my own fears into my perspective. It would not be very fair to her. She was genuinely asking my advice as a role model and mentor to her. All I could come up with was silence. How does one proverbially break out the kid gloves of compassion and understanding...
Read more