Corinthians-Explained

“ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

This has always been a passage I have found close to heart and home. It transcends any and all questions or concerns of the soul; or at least it should. Ideally, one would think that we as a race embody this everyday of our lives. I used to think this should be how we treat and see each other as couples. Every person, man or woman growing up has an ideal of what their husband or wife should be and how they would feel before committing their life to one another. Then life happens. There is a stigma or societal trend that we must all follow in order to fit in or live happy lives. That being said, there is also a biological clock that ticks inside every persons head. “I have to be married” or “I have to have kids” before…..and followed by what we each see as an acceptable time. I am guilty of that same reasoning. I used to think that if I wasn’t married or with kids, etc before 25 that it would never happen. Life happened….and not even close to what I had planned.

So, here begins this passage, which ashamedly I always thought was a sweet sentiment and something to aspire to, but not anything that actually happens in life. If it did, cruelty, loss and hatred would not be a factor in this world. IN relationships especially we as humans do not or cannot comprehend the importance of this passage. It took me years to figure it out and I am still learning it and experiencing it. I bring this up because it has never come up until now…now that this wretched organ, known as a heart, the only thing in this world we cannot manipulate into feeling however we want it too….has found its key to love.

The first part “love is patient, love is kind”. I think in all honesty this is my hardest test. Patience is by far not one of my better virtues. I have learned it well through the years, but still have not mastered it fully. My heart wants what it wants and yesterday. I, selfishly feel that because I finally have come to terms with being in love the world must stop and accommodate the heart. Wretched beast that it is. This is so far from the truth and more ammo for the brain. God has a way of taming even the wildest of hearts and desires and so here I am in the middle of a patience lesson.

“Love is kind”. The first sentiment that comes to mind with this and couples, married or not is “duh”. Seriously, like this must be explained? Obviously, it does and more so in detail than I ever thought before. I hear stories of couples who are together completely for the wrong reasons, and are still so out of complacency or selfishness. The question then beckons a serious answer. If you tell someone you love them, and truly mean it why isn’t kindness the first thing that you practice? Although, I myself am new to this whole mushy love stuff, I have never, regardless of how stressed I felt because my day at work was crap or a bill was due, etc thought of being less than kind to the person I love. They don’t deserve anything less than how you would expect your own heart to be treated.

“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” Ding ding. Another sentiment that should come natural to us all; although I can’t possibly understand why you would envy, boast or to be proud or even spiteful towards the person you swore you are in love with. I must admit that this is one thing I don’t have issues with. Yeey me!!! Of course, life cannot be that simple either. I find myself on the other end of the spectrum. I practice humility in all aspects of life, especially in love. Regardless of what I am capable of doing as a person, I don’t have a problem getting down and humbling myself. It is not even a second thought. I only wish more people were less selfish and more humble.

“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” Not easily angered…hmmm, right back to love is patient and kind. Keeps no record of wrongs….why do people bring up issues from 5 years ago and expect to not be looked at like they are crazy? Yes, I am speaking to women here. Communicate when it happens, forgive, show compassion and move on. Bringing it up years down the road will not change it. It does not dishonor and it is not self seeking. This is my brain’s ammo for dealing with my own guilt. As I have said before, I am in love and have zero control over it. I have guilt over my having a right to love this person. It’s complicated and Heaven knows I have tried to talk myself out of it. It’s like we found ourselves with divine bungee cords attached to our butts. The more we ignored and tried running from it, the harder I fell every time I saw him. I tried very hard to ignore the feelings, slowly creeping up and maintaining my friendship in an effort to not dishonor and self seek. I wanted to just scream it at the top of my lungs, grab onto him and never let go. I still want to do all those things, however, due to situations and circumstances out of my control, I silently sat and never let it escape my lips or heart, not to him or even myself. His happiness is more important than my own, regardless of what I want. Once I realized this simple statement, I had to acknowledge the rest…the whole basket of crazy love feelings and all of its complications and joys.

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Another “duh” or it should be. Once I have acknowledged my own feelings, this statement completely encompassed me as if it were a blanket, keeping me warm on the nights I spend alone. Truth and honesty are one in the same in matters of the heart. When you love, you can only do so with a clear conscious and pure heart. I would protect the person with everything in me. His happiness becomes mine as does his sorrow. Seems such an easy thing to do…when love is pure and not selfish.

In all fairness, I must admit that while I realize how I feel, I don’t understand how I got here because trust me I have fought against out of fear. I am now in the process of trying to comprehend the depth to which this feeling goes. As a simple woman, I am as deep as a human can go. My needs, physically are met beyond reproach and I am left wanting nothing more. Emotionally and mentally, we seem to be of one thought in so many ways, I feel like I’m talking to myself in the mirror. Looking into his eyes, it’s like I bear witness to his soul, good, bad and ugly and it doesn’t scare me. It almost puts me in protective mode, like I never would allow any pain to ever come to him. Spiritually…well that is the part I am in thought and prayer over. While I know love is never logical, I still find a deep need for better understanding.

While I can sit here and type these words out so easily, I find saying a simple “I love you” is the hardest thing to muster. Why? Because I’m scared of the level of raw passion and entirety that my heart is entwined with another’s.