Love -- Part 2


Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

I know I keep bringing this point up in this blog, but…obviously it is very much needed. I discovered something in these last few days about myself and my own beliefs. I will be honest, as a single mom for 10 years I have learned one very important lesson in life…I have no one to rely on except myself and most importantly that love (outside of spiritual) does not exist. Yes, that’s right it didn’t exist because I have never met anyone that even made me stop to think. Well this coming March will be 14 years of being smacked with the truth and running from it….racing from it.

So this year especially of late my walls have been broken and I find myself in a rather uncomfortable position of vulnerability. I have discovered that not only have I allowed the wretched organ to fall madly, deeply, and hopelessly in love, I let it be so 14 years ago. Of course I was in complete denial and spent that entire time running from it. This year I tried running because I have guilt (due to circumstances and situations) but he grabbed on and refused to let go. I will admit I wasn’t trying very hard to run, I stayed. I don’t know why, maybe because I spent all those years convincing myself it would never happen so I was comfortable in my state of denial. He broke it. He uttered the words…”I love you” and that was all it took. I went into utter panic mode.

Seven months later I still squirm at my situation but stay because I know very well I would die for him in an instant and do anything I possibly could to make him happy whether or not that includes me. Ive crossed the boundary of self and self protection….its about him and his happiness alone…even if that means letting go. Currently I am happy to be his shoulder and rock, as he needs it more than ever. There is a part of my soul that only he and God reside in. I am beyond help in the love department.

So, now that Ive shared where I am…ass of teacups in love, I want to bring up the Corinthians I posted at the beginning…..how many people can genuinely say they are there? I understand that there are many levels of love because we as a human race must find ways to
complicate everything….or rather find an excuse to use people while we search for the ultimate goal of self-satisfaction. For those who claim to be in love, how in love are you? Would you let go of the person if they wanted or needed to walk away? Does the person strive to achieve more and be a better person in the relationship? Do you?

I ask because love has become a price tag. Its “I love you if…..”. People don’t capture the soul anymore, they capture the wallet. How many salon appointments can this man give me? Designer bags? Guys are no better…its will she make me look good, does she come at my beck and call?

I don’t know when we lost the humanity out of humans or our compassion for something besides ourselves….but it makes this world an ugly place. Then we find love…a love that is almost maddening and the sun comes up again and I realize that maybe, just maybe there is a hope greater than ourselves. I will say this, if 1% of the world was filled with people like the one who owns my heart…the Earth would be a better place.

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