Uncensored Heart

Sorrow and suffering seems to be the theme of everyone’s life these days. It is usually brought on by one thing or another and we as humans turn ourselves to other vices such as drinking. While I am not against drinking as a whole I find it to be demonic when used and abused as a measure to drown ourselves and our sorrows. I am a child who grew up in that environment and have heard the denial of it, how it helps to cover and deal with pain and more so how absolutely necessary it has become. I don’t think we ever truly realize how strong any of these vices truly are. As humans we lack control and our souls are so vulnerable and weak we never realize how deep within our vices we truly are until one day we wake up and there is nothing left. We are truly amazing how in certain ways we are such strong advocates and yet in others we are brought to our knees by something as simple as a bottle. Similar to exorcisms (for those who may believe in them, I am only using this as a mere metap...

Love should be a wonderful feeling of bliss. It should bring two people into one being. The object is to reach complete and utter tolerance and love. Your joys should be doubled and your sorrows singled. It is two people acting in a partnership to raise and strengthen each other to new levels of learning and being. When you are truly in romantic love you should be accepting, forgiving and above all else unconditional, since after all it is the other person who must return those very deep and powerful feelings. When your heart beats as one and you can finish each other’s thoughts…that is when you know this person is your other half, your reason for being and existing; such a soothing and peaceful thought to have someone on your side that is just that, an amazing ying to your yang. So, where do we take the wrong turn and somehow end up in misery? I think the answer to this is a two part answer. First there is the heart. We are so vulnerable and always looking for love and acceptan...

It is said the spiritual journey to peace is through a dark forest of suffering and sorrow. One never really knows how true that statement truly is until one is forced to walk through it. Reading the statement you would think you completely understand it and whatever strife you are going through is what that dark unending night is all about. I know; I made that mistake. I thought this last period of night was all it had to be. I have never been so wrong in my entire life. I progressively got deeper and deeper down the road in this vehicle of life. I had my headlights on, figuring that’s all I would ever need. I was partially right. I did not have enough oil in my lamps to keep them burning. Why, one may ask? Simple. It cannot and will not happen to me. It is impossible that I would be tested and tried along such a deep and dark road. After all, I had passed my lesson or so I thought. Then it happened. Not only was it pitch black my headlights went out. Since the road seemed pret...

When last I left off, I found myself at a cross roads. I wasn’t sure which way to go and I felt lost and stuck in the proverbial dark. I seeped deeper and deeper into this hole and slowly but surely lost some faith and convinced myself I would be a martyr in this life, since I had no other choices. As I have said before, once the brain enters into it, we are doomed by the chains of logic. While this is a rather healthy and good road to be on, at times it can deter us and push us off our road into some mysterious and in my case dark place. It is easier said than done to keep a strong faith and not allow life’s obstacles to drag you down. Everything in you changes and is challenged. I was there and due to my own will and desire to back away it took me much longer than it should have. Lesson learned times ten. I was stuck at a fork which, regardless of which road I took, a little pain and suffering emotionally would take place. So I backed off of myself and those around me. I hit a...

Make me a channel of your piece. Where there is hatred let me bring your love; Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord And where there is doubt the true faith in you. O Master, grant that I may never seek So much to be consoled as to console To be understood as to understand To be loved as to love with all my soul. Make me a channel of your peace Where there is despair in life, let me bring hope. Where there is darkness only light And where there is sadness ever joy. O Master, grant that I may never seek So much to be consoled as to console To be understood as to understand To be loved as to love with all my soul. Make me a channel of your peace It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned In giving to all men that we receive And in dying that we are born in eternal life.

It has truly been a long time since I have posted anything. A little too long for my own liking, however, I encountered some obstacles in life which unfortunately at that time took priority. It forced me to really look at myself over and over again and I still found I have issues in the strength that is faith. I have stayed away and kicked and screamed and even hit depression for a time. However, I have come out of it completely and find myself staring at a new person in the mirror. While I start to write again, I will most certainly go into the little lessons in life that I have learned, some easier than others while some make hiking the Himalaya’s seem an easy task. In the meantime I wanted to post some prayers, thoughts and strength building words I have read or seen in various places. This blog will take a completely different route in writing, but I will still be bluntly honest. As I know I have repeated constantly, love and pain go hand in hand at times.