Decisions


Love should be a wonderful feeling of bliss. It should bring two people into one being. The object is to reach complete and utter tolerance and love. Your joys should be doubled and your sorrows singled. It is two people acting in a partnership to raise and strengthen each other to new levels of learning and being. When you are truly in romantic love you should be accepting, forgiving and above all else unconditional, since after all it is the other person who must return those very deep and powerful feelings. When your heart beats as one and you can finish each other’s thoughts…that is when you know this person is your other half, your reason for being and existing; such a soothing and peaceful thought to have someone on your side that is just that, an amazing ying to your yang. So, where do we take the wrong turn and somehow end up in misery?

I think the answer to this is a two part answer. First there is the heart. We are so vulnerable and always looking for love and acceptance, our wretched organ leaps at the mere prospect it may be around the corner. We meet someone, we like the person and spend time together. People then go from that into “creating” feelings that aren’t there to begin with. This starts because none of us cherish the thought of being alone and we figure since we get along with a person we can learn to love. The person’s faults are something we accept on the premise that eventually they will change for us or something in us will subliminally make us love them for it. I have also been guilty of simply telling myself I accept their faults and flaws because having someone there is much more important than not. Love and pain go hand in hand for a time, then it gets easier. Wrong. Love and pain will continue to go hand in hand when we are not where we should be in life. When we turn away from ourselves and hide in the shadows of the one that is supposed to save us.

Enter brain. Your brain then “talks and reasons” its way into why you should stay and be with the one person who is currently occupying your time and your heart goes along with it because of fear and your brain over riding the wretched organ. For those of us that are much more savvy and whose fears are more readily abated the time is not long before your heart breaks free of humanistic wisdom and you get a knowing feeling that something is wrong and the person who you thought you loved is no longer number one in your life, but rather a destructive entity. You wake up day to day and the first question that comes to mind is “why am I here and why did I settle?”. Here is yet another fork in the road. Do we listen to our hearts and free not only ourselves but your lover or do we continue on this destructive path. Unfortunately, for a myriad of reasons most of us stay. That fake curtain of love that was blinding us is all together gone and we see the person for who they are and anger and bitterness build in our hearts. You feel yourself slowly pulling away and upon introspection your entire life has changed. You back away from those who love you and hermit on the premise of “thinking”, when in actuality the only thing we are doing is nurturing the seed of fear and hate. Of course, because we are so good at lying to ourselves we mask this as “I’m staying for the kids or it’s not so bad and its comfortable”. Does it make sense that we should continue on a path such as this or do we gather the strength to rectify the situation. The problem with that is fear. In order to rectify our relationships be it personal or otherwise, we must face ourselves, our mistakes and admit to the other person we were wrong. It seems that rather than look at something as a release in order to be fair not only to yourself but to others we see it as we are a demon, wrecking lives. A friend once told me that you cannot be in love one sided. How true a statement. If we can see this as our error in life and attempt to be honest and live in truth logic reveals the other person feels the same.

We are given choices as humans to have the ability to feel love and hate and everything else in between. If we make rash choices and decisions to comfort an otherwise bleeding heart are we not as a race creating and nurturing an environment for lies and deceit embedded so deeply within ourselves and accepted outwardly by society that we lose ourselves in it. So, how can one find true love if one does not know who they are?

 

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