Uncensored Heart

What happens when relationships come down to love. The simplest of all concepts. No work around or bullshit, just a self-examine of do I truly love this person and am I willing to go to the ends of the earth for them? I am a strong believer that we should all really look at those very basics when determining if a relationship is right or wrong for us. This should be a relatively easy concept to get, however, it is much easier said than done because we are humans and therefore complicate every little thing we experience until that very basic thing becomes so convoluted we lose sight of what we were doing in the first place.    I can very easily pull lots of different examples of this concept from my own experience. In the beginning, as I have stated previously, I was very biased to my husband because of my own issues. I just put things on him that really didn’t belong there. I was using my preconceived notions and fears to dictate the end result. I was my own psychic. Unti...

One must be fascinated with ideological principles and thoughts in order to appreciate what I am about to say. Love is by far the most complicated of emotions and it transfers all along a myriad of areas. What I mean by this is its reach is from inanimate objects to people to romances to animals, etc. It is not a simplified concept affecting a minor part in one’s life. It is the one emotion that can make you feel like you are crazy and have lost your mind. It can bring you to places never experienced before but most of all……it is the one emotion that is most powerful and can and will overcome anything. For example, I watch my teenage daughter go through every aspect of love in a single day. They have (at their ages) stages in their love life of everything from crushes to boyfriends to more drama than any network needs to generate multiple seasons in a show. Alas, the emotion is ever present. When a young girl has a crush on a young man and the male does not respond accordingly...

There I stand engaged and should be very happy as to how much life turned out. I mean getting married is every little girl’s dream. I remember always being told that I should find love and marry so I don’t end up alone in life. That begs the question since when is having a partner a requirement for being happy? Don’t get me wrong it is a wonderful thing to be in love and have someone at your side constantly….but what happens when that very aspect is the one thing you fear more in life than anything else? You delay, of course. So is it love that binds us as humans or the sheer need for companionship? I don’t know about most, but I am extremely happy with my dogs. That counts as companionship. Yes, I may have a guy’s mentality in that respect but I think it helps to look at this from a variety of perspectives. Those very thoughts plagued me as I stared at my engagement ring trying to figure out what to do. Please don’t misunderstand me when I say that. I love my now husband very m...

As inspirational as the above quote is, today I realize it can also be a fading dream which remains ever so in the distance. Generally speaking, I have been the type of person to have faith in the future and decisions made. I have recently been forced into thinking otherwise. Mothers. Our mothers are the very fabric of our being. Thy are supposed to be our greatest cheerleaders in life and in every day. One would think that they support no matter whether they agree with the choices or not. I force myself to a constant reminder that not all mothers are created equal. Mine is the least of these. Father forgive me, but I am at wits end with how to deal with family, specifically a mother, who deems life should be according to her and when I make choices against her will I have instantly morphed into some kind of demon seed and she throws a tantrum. I would completely understand this attitude if I were an alcoholic or drug user, etc. But to be under scrutiny because my life has b...

The light at the end of the tunnel always gives a wonderful feeling of hope. It is the end of the journey in one respect or another. There it is…my light at the end of my tunnel came when I thought everything was lost and I would once again continue on life’s path alone…yet out of the blue I was offered another chance at love, the real kind this time and an option to not walk alone. I will tell you that more as a fear than anything else I was mentally preparing myself to move on and walk away. After all, walking away is something we are all good at. It may be painful but it’s like a break up…pain, sadness then you move on. Since I was and still am in some ways fearful of loving someone and of being loved I made my mind up that I would walk away. Even more laughable in hindsight, of course, is that I would do it silently without the other party knowing until it was too late. I was angry that I had spent so much of my life perfecting my avoidance that I was not about to let this man...

As I sit here tonight I am left wondering how I got to this place I am in. My life has had so many changes in the last couple of years that I am left in shock as to the whirlwind I am caught in. As I have stated many times previously…..love is patient….and it truly is. I will say this….patience can be ever so trying that it truly makes you want to second guess everything you have done or plan to do and whether or not the “love” is true and worth it. It is one of the most difficult battles between heart and mind one can ever face. I have also learned though this ordeal that to truly know who is the right person for you, you must go through pain, sorrow and downright misery. If that same person is still the one holding your hand through this dark tunnel and he or she is a beaten as you are when you come out at the other end…..hold onto them for dear life and never ever let go. That is where I have found myself after these love games and adventures. It was not a very easy battle ...