Downside of the Heart's Deception

I had a thought come up recently while in a conversation. One of my closest friends claims to be a romantic at heart and in our conversation completely changed his views on what his definition of love is. I must be honest in saying that it really surprised me. I know our perceptions and views change as individuals. We go through life and talk to a myriad of people each sharing their views on every topic discussed. We also rely heavily on the people close to us for guidance, mentoring and role models. We learn and receive our initial ideals from them and build upon from our own experiences. However, this was strange. This is a person I’ve known for years, whose ideals I’ve borrowed from and whose passion and fire to follow his heart I most admired. “Say what?” That was my most brilliant and eloquent response to his telling me he has found “the one”. Wonderful friend that I am was so engrossed in figuring out what went wrong that I completely ignored his comment.

Yes I said it…I was full of myself and my own thoughts to bother listening.  Normally, when your friends tell you they have found “the one” a logical response is to show joy and happiness and celebrate the coming together of two lives. However, this was completely different. Here I was with a close friend, who I have always held in the highest esteem telling me about the new person in his life and why he knows she is the one. Every reason he gave me only begged another question from me. I was so confused. What could ever make him want to change his ideals and beliefs?

That was the burning question in my mind. I have always been a firm believer that a person loves you and you love them based on the differences and passions you both have. The person’s uniqueness is what makes them special. However, true love does not as or manipulate one into changing who they are and what they believe in. If you love someone, deeply and truthfully then you are aware of their beliefs and faults and still love them regardless because that is what makes them different. People with different ideals can come together and create amazing relationships. It is the things that you don’t know about the person that makes you love them more. Deep love should throw you for a loop and scare you. When you don’t know what to say and you cannot second guess what the other person is thinking that’s what makes it love. Its complex, it’s a tornado of emotions that encircles two people. Not knowing every little detail and being completely different helps to nurture and build a relationship. Differences can and do foster love for a lifetime. No two humans are alike for a reason. That alone should be a tell tale factor that loving someone comes with learning and discovering that person as a whole. Sure you may not know what to say to this person or be able to anticipate their next move, but that will not hold true forever. Isn’t that the bloody point of starting a relationship; to try to understand each other and learn about each other. There are traits that one person may have which can be priceless to the other.

Therefore, when my otherwise love passionate friend tells me he has found “the one” I star at him blankly as he drones on the list of why he thinks she is. Inane and tertiary reasons that make no sense and hold no ground. It changes his entire ideal system. While I have seen this happen before, where a person can change one’s thought process, it is not typical or true to change one’s entire belief system. He is one of these guys that is very honest and upfront with what he wants and it is clear from my perspective that this woman he is wrapped up in is not right. It is usually said one’s friends can call bluff or bull immediately, especially since they have an otherwise objective viewpoint to the situation.

That is immediately what I did. I called his bluff. So we then proceeded in a very heavy friendly debate on the issues of the heart. Try as he may, I was not convinced there wasn’t a lie somewhere. Part of me was going on instinct while the other part knew his heart belonged to someone else. There was no way I would be convinced that his heart changed in less than a month. Love can be a lot of things but it is never uncertain. His reasoning was nothing short of uncertainty and supposition. I could not bring myself to accept that he would change his whole dogma of life and turn his once softened heart into stone towards the woman I knew deep down he had feelings for.

As it turns out, the relationship was completely deceptive in every way. I still do not know the reasoning for it or why he would have ever agreed to such a task, however, he did nonetheless. I say this because the story has rather a sad ending. The deception and his not keeping true to his heart led him to not only lose the woman he truly loved, but also created havoc within the deception itself. When trying to end it, it took a very wrong turn. While he was trying to fix it before finally admitting his feelings to the person his heart belonged to…..she walked away. She knew nothing of the deception but it didn’t matter because he took so long to reach out, she assumed he cared nothing for her and so she moved on. I feel sorry for him now because his willingness to help a friend actually caused more pain and sorrow in his own life. Lesson learned as he tries to rectify his heart.