The Will

I have a neighbor that I met about a month ago. I have to tell his story because it is so heart wrenching, my own compassion knows no bounds when thinking of him. He is an older gentleman of 66. He lives alone with his 2 dogs. Initially I met this man sun bathing by the pool. A friend of mine was with me and I was told numerous times that this guy was annoying and bluntly put “full of it”. Now, while I am not quick to judge I was getting annoyed at the comments I had heard from other people by the pool and my own friends, who should know better. So, I made it a point to meet this man. I found him full of it, annoyingly conversational, you know the kind. When you just want to read your book in silence and sunbath and someone is hissing in your ear bull that doesn’t change the price of tea in China, but it’s enough to distract you. Yes. I am guilty of stereotyping and immediately judging because I ran out of patience.

 I did think about it for a long while after that first meeting but dismissed it. I couldn’t get rid of the feeling gnawing at me over and over that I was missing something, ignoring it. So I forced myself to go back down to the pool a few days later. This time I was hoping to run into him. I wanted to force myself to look at this man with a completely open heart and mind, saving my prejudice for after. I did run into him. He had come down with a much younger blonde woman. I watched them for a while. He seemed entranced with this woman, while she entertained him out of boredom. Sad to watch, actually. His companion had left much earlier than him and I decided to go over and talk to him. Yes, openly talk to him without my anti-human shields up. Guess what I discovered? He was a very sweet and kind man, who although talked endlessly about things no one cares about…he wasn’t doing so to be mean or annoying. He was lonely. This is probably the loneliest person I have ever met. Therefore, he figured if he starts conversations and talks about “exciting” things people would then give him the time of day. Seeing this about him, I engaged my friends to talk to him more like it or not. Yes, I bribed. However, they have also come back to tell me he isn’t so bad. One of my friends even suggested helping me in talking to this man and keeping him company.

My mission started at that point. Yes, I am a sucker at times, but I can’t help it. My heart goes out to people and I immediately am tugged to go out and save the world. (I haven’t come to terms with the fact I can’t fix the world). I started talking to him much more often. He turned out to be a really nice person at the core. My friends were invited to his apartment, where he shared stories of his youth and showed them his collection of aircraft. I was happy thinking the bond is building and dam it, if nothing else I was going to be a friend. I then invited him over to dinner. This has become a general weekend rule. He comes over, always brings something be it dessert, wine, a gift to the hostess as he puts it. We talk for hours. I realized he has bonded to me and very strongly. He opens up to me in ways he will not to anyone else. He told me about his wife, his children and every medical problems he has. I found out his wife died 2 years ago and he no longer has any contact with his children. His facial features were hard and stoic, but his eyes could not hide the pain. He was still grieving and very deeply so. His constant chatter of making up stories is his way to avoid the pain. It makes his life have meaning and gives him purpose. Sorrowfully, I can see through him as if his soul were facing me through a glass box. Now that he has a friend in me, he seems more upbeat when I see him and seeks me out to simply say “hello”.

The impact I feel from this is simple. I am looking at a man that simply has lost the desire to live. He does not care anymore. The one thing that keeps him going is his dogs. His companion at the pool that first time, the blonde woman…was a spitting image of his late wife. Forlornly, he told me his desire to die and be with his wife. There was nothing left here for him. My heart aches seeing a man who loved so deeply that the passing of his wife, leaves him no desire to live.

We as humans are cold and unfeeling towards each other. Yes we are. Unless the situation or person has any impact on one’s life directly, we turn our heads and walk away. Sad but factual. No one bothers to even take a relationship and make it personal. We are so busy posting on facebook, texting, IM’ing, etc…..it is a great excuse to ignore each other. We do ignore. Why? Because we are so into “me, me, me” we keep in minimal contact with our family and close friends. It keeps us safe and prevents us from actually feeling. Our inequities are innumerable. As a race we are cold and selfish. We envy and are prideful. We hide. We dig deep into our caves and hide.

This person has taught me something. Hiding in my little cave of safety would have kept me from meeting this man, learning another facet of love and compassion and being able to make a dent of friendship in this man’s life. He may have completely lost his will to live, he has my olive leaf and extended arm. While I can’t prevent him from doing anything I can at least give him some hope that someone does care. Good will towards man shouldn't be something we only do during Christmas...and even then we limit ourselves to our own families and friends. Extend the olive leaf if you can, you'd be surprised the difference it can make.