Toxic

It is said both spiritually and humanly that love makes it all better. The reward for loving selflessly should be the greatest thing on Earth. One should love their neighbor, friends, family, children, and lover with all their heart regardless if that love is reciprocated. This is one of the most difficult things to do. We all know how difficult it can be to truly and selflessly love the one who hurt you most or who let you down, broke your trust and the list goes on and on. I am guilty of that myself. Try as I may, pushing past the anger and hurt is the most difficult thing to achieve, never mind trying to come around to being able not only to let go, but to love your enemy. So, the question in mind is, how does one reach acceptance and love with a person who is toxic in one’s life?

I have been asked the question recently and figured it brought up a very good point. I know everyone has had the one person that did noting but poison their life. I do not mean this from a bad perspective, but rather someone who either consistently lets you down, one that you do not trust, or even someone who does not make you feel whole. The kind of person we find ourselves making an excuse for and then questioning why we did so. The reason I said it isn’t always bad is because this person is shockingly not an enemy but rather can be a friend or someone you are dating. When I say toxic I don’t always mean in a bad or abusive way. I know plenty of people, myself included, that have had people in their lives that hurt more than help. Most of the time that person does not do it intentionally, however, in some cases they do. I have had friends who ask me to do them a favor. I do so gladly and then when I am ready to move on, my part having been completed, they always want something more. It seems to be an ever present cycle. This cycle is one that seems very difficult to break through. You are left wondering why they can’t be more responsible or more sympathetic and respectful to your needs. Although these same thoughts go over and over in your head you still find yourself allowing the person to affect you in various ways. It seems we tend to put ourselves in the “enabler” role because we refuse to admit that this person is actually bad for us.

The most toxic person in my life of recent is my own mother. We have had a long history of not getting along which progressively has gotten worse over time. This woman has gotten to a point where she could literally throw me under a bus and then immediately turn around be the best mother. Although this case is rather specific and involves a family member it is no different than any other dynamic in most relationships. This is one simple one, but there are friends, lovers, even acquaintances to whom we subject ourselves in that way. If we take our friends for example….you always have one that you make plans with, you clear your calendar for and then all of a sudden your friends cancels on you last minute. I know this happens, we’ve all done it. The issue starts when it happens on a consistent basis. Then the relationships that do nothing for you but both parties benefit from the deception. Unfortunately the never ending aspect is both people end up unhappy and lacking something. When you realize this and cannot pull yourself away it becomes toxic.

How do we get to open our lives and be able to stop the toxicity that we allow to build? I’m not sure that we as humans ever can. It is part of life; we learn the disappointments and loss open our hearts to love and joy. The perfect mix of the two is what creates true love. Life does not come with an instruction manual.