Love

I know we all have our own ideas on what love is and isn’t. Regardless of how we view it, love is never uncertain. That is a steadfast truth. In its most true and pure form it is strength, valor, inspired, comforting and gives it all selflessly. Most of all it is healing and serene, lending a sense of comfort and peace in the hearts of those involved. It does not lead one into wrong doing or hurtful acts; on the contrary, love protects with fervor and passion. This is, of course, mine and mine only perspective on what I know it in my heart to be. I had learned from mistakes that settling for less than all of the above is not staying true to my heart. I cannot as a person lie openly to my heart. It would cause a chasm so deep with guilt and yearning, I would be forever guilty for sentencing not only myself but the other person to lifelong settlement. I would rather spend life alone than settle for less than that. I have been very lucky to hit that type of love without fear of getting hurt, being let down or not being good enough for the other person. I know I have it unconditional and true. Once it is experienced you can never go back. I heard a phrase long ago…”the heart never lies”…and although I didn’t understand it then, I fully grasp it now. The wretched organ is the one thing within a person that truly does not lie and cannot be forced or manipulated in any way shape or form. It is the one truth we all as humans hold. It comes without logic or reason.

While true there are no sparks or magnificent events to alert one that they have found it…easy and pleasurable as that may be, one does know in their heart. It isn’t always instant or immediate but one does truly know. You start changing yourself. Your heart and actions belie your words. I know this part better than most. I have been in that position. The once champion of my heart who I spent many nights in the arms of introduced me to love without fallacy. Not many words were spoken between us but our bodies belied our promise to not fall in love. My heart betrayed me over and over and I was powerless to stop it, voice it, or walk away from it. My champion of heart himself was betrayed by his heart, although I cannot say convincingly he was aware of it. It is amazing what one’s body can truly show, the way it touches, caresses it melts into that of the one you love. No words ever need be spoken. Your spirits and soul become one in a way that is more powerful than any words can say.

Enter brain. There goes that wonderful moment in time. The brain begins to analyze the heart and its motivation, the titanium wall goes up and your mouth opens. Rather than opening your heart and telling the person how you feel and staying true to yourself….you say something stupid. Then you start to recoil, retract and act like a court reporter that needs to convincingly explain that whatever you heard was wrong and that you are crazy. Before you know it the road you started on now has a detour sign, you feel like an idiot and rather than swallow your pride and valiantly claim your inequity and be true to yourself you shove. I mean shove away in ways that hurt even the strongest of people. Then you stare at each other and in silence walk in two different directions, backs turned, heart feeling like it’s squeezed in a ball of barbed wire. Blood drops leave a trail of heartbreak and betrayal. The tears streaming down the face are an indication of your complete an utter betrayal to your heart. Even at this moment you cannot turn around and humble yourself in order to be true. Disgusting is the human race, filled with fear and self induced torment. We are prisoners of ourselves. Sad but true nonetheless.

I am most positively guilty of this. As this is my own story. I walked away rather than practicing a little less pride and a lot more humility.  This was the last blow to myself, completely committed by myself that pushed me into my own introspection. Although I now have no issues practicing humility; I do it gladly and openly, it is too late for my heart. That needs to start healing and deal with regret and guilt.

I strongly believe that there is only one love in every person’s lifetime. One true soul mate; the person that makes you whole. Your heart will recognize that person instantly. It requires no growth or learned behavior to accept. You accept that person faults and all. Regardless of how, when or why…your heart immediately knows. But in order for this to happen, you must be true to yourself. A lie only begets a lie. Whilst it is possible to lie to yourself…thank your brain for that….your heart does not betray. Once this step is done, it becomes very easy to love that one special person. Going out of your way and doing little things becomes second nature. It is not a requirement or an act for the simple purpose of showing. You do things and go out of your way mindlessly because your only desire and thought is to the other person.

Passion is invoked and is freely given. Open and true hearts communicate without effort. You then turn into the sacrificial lamb willing and able to do anything anytime to ensure the other person knows you are there. You become their protector, their comforter…your hearts are joined and breaking one immediately breaks the other. I once came across a line which I think is so appropriate…love means never having to say you’re sorry….and I hold that dear. If it is true honest love that bonds you, you wouldn’t consciously do anything to hurt the other person. While that is impossible, I know, it’s an ideal I wish more people hold onto and practice. I suppose I am a mushy romantic at heart myself. I’ll admit it.

I faltered and buried my heart..and now paying the price. It is a lesson learned. The disappointment I’m forced to deal with daily is a constant reminder to better myself. Regardless of the outcome and faults I have an endless compassion and understanding into my own heart and that of others. I write this in order to hopefully get people thinking and realize that once it’s gone, it’s gone. Life does not have a rewind button. One thing I have learned is that no amount of regret, tears, or self torment ever heals the wrethched organ. You gain insight into yourself, learn from the mistakes and eventually the burden of having to carry that weight lessens. The one constant is that love never fails. Based on one of my favorite books here is a motto I am striving for and hopefully everyone does:

God loves you simply because He has chosen to.

He loves you when you don’t feel lovely.

He loves you when no one else loves you.

Others may abandon you, divorce you, cheat and ignore you.

But God will love you.

Always.

No matter what. (Lucado, 2002)