Men, Women, and Sex

I am going to try and change my topic of writing, more at the behest of friends. We were all out, acting stupid, and having a good time. A topic came up where I found myself torn in two over. I see both sides and admit that it’s not a one sided desire. Political correctness has no home in this story, so forgive me from the start. Sex. That is a topic not often explored outright. Yes there are romance novels and other genre alike, however, how true are they really? Not very. I say this as a woman and speaking for men. It just isn’t factual to assume that life and love follow the guidelines of some romance novel. First and foremost, the real issue lies with the fact that women cannot admit their true desires because it is a social stigma for us. If we are blunt and direct with what we truly want in the bedroom we come across as easy or whore-like. Let’s face it; we do get labeled very easily. Men, on the other hand, can spew every detail of their desire and walk away still being labeled a man. Not fair, but in the same breath it is women who place that stigma on us. Men are not the ones that label us. We are. We do that based on our values and upbringing. I’m not negating the importance of holding yourself to higher standards, but be honest with where the blame should be placed. Share in the labeling!! Then there are people like myself who aren’t worried about labels, I am who I am like it or not. If being open and direct offends one, then do not talk to me. End drama. Very simple.

In this topic in particular men and women are not that different in their desires. Trust me guys; women most certainly want what you do or would be willing to at least compromise. The level at which a women is willing to take it is the variable. Now, while most would think it is based on the woman….wrong. It is based on the intent and relationship. For example, if you are in love with someone you tend to go above and beyond the proverbial call of duty to ensure that the person is satisfied in every way. Trust me, I’ve been there and can testify I have done some things I’d never consciously do, however, in the moment when love is the reason you get lost in each other and bodies do become one.  Now in this situation, I’ve heard too much how boring it gets in the bedroom. Why? Men do not want to ruffle feathers, therefore, afraid to voice their desires while women, afraid of the label will not either. Communication, what a concept it is. One would think that two people in a relationship for the right reasons would be able to talk to each other more openly. Unfortunately, it is not always the case. The other side of that coin is how much intimacy and trust you have in your partner. Any ounce of doubt will immediately throw one into a shell and once shut down…very hard to come back from. That is something I never understood. I can’t fathom how one can declare love, profess their most intimate feelings to one another and yet because of intimacy and trust not be able to tell that same person what they want or what they would be willing to try.

The other types of relationships also exist as well. These are a little different in dynamics and therefore not always clear. Shockingly enough, these are the ones where neither party has an issue telling the other what they want. Discord? I’m not sure. I think it has a lot more to do with the fact that since one gets involved in a friends with benefits or sex only strangers otherwise dynamic, they feel like the label is placed already so why the hell not get the most out of the situation. Yes, somewhere in a women’s mind she has already placed a stigma or rather label on herself; even though she has reconciled the situation in her head, her heart gives in and label is placed. Right or wrong makes no difference. Women attach themselves emotionally to sex. We do not have the ability to separate one from the other like men do; although, there are exceptions on both sides.

What do we want? Plain and simple….depends on the situation and people involved plus the type of relationship. In a love relationship it depends on the mood and timing. I am guilty myself of not always wanting the sensual, sweet and slow approach. There are times when I would rather be ravaged and rough; while others I just want a “quickie”. That holds true to every person out there. I don’t care who you are. Women do not always want romance novel experiences; we do have “naughty” built in. It’s the mood and comfort level with the man that is the deciding factor, not whether the woman is a prude or not. The prude types….are so more due to inhibition and experience than who they are. Exceptions exist here to. This relationship type should, in truth, be open; meaning foreplay starts with a glance, mindset, and the desire starts to build. One should be in pounce mode before the man even touches her and vice versa. If the relationship is strong and open foreplay can start at the dinner table where actual sex doesn’t start until 4 hours later. Unspoken desire is one of the strongest pulls out there. It can lead to mind blowing sexual experiences. Been there, done that and can testify openly that concept is very true.

Other types of relationships, typically lead to quickies or an extended romp. I will say there is a benefit to this type of relationship. The dynamics being open and players having an open mindset to it can and does lead to experimental sex. It’s a learning process. Every person out there has had “a teacher” for lack of better wording. Someone with whom they got together, usually not love but their inhibitions were dropped and they were able to experiment and most importantly get to know themselves. We all know our triggers. You know when you need to apply brakes and when you don’t. On the other hand, we all have encountered the one person you cannot resist. The one person in your life who a mere glance  at turns you on, can’t keep your hands off, your mind off and no matter how hard you try to be good…the minute you lay eyes on this person…and stick a fork in me I’m done. Mentally in the gutter and already have the person naked in my mind.  What makes it much hotter is when that person reciprocates the feeling.

All in all much like any other aspect of a relationship couples hold back because of labels, attitudes, fears, inhibitions and trust. Men need to be more open. Talking about your wants and desires only helps you. Surprisingly, she may oblige you. Women need to get off the high horse of labeling themselves and coming to terms with the relationship and whatever type it is. Telling your guy what you want does not make you a slut. Although, I do completely get it. I hold back myself. Goes back to that I advise better than I practice theory.

Bottom line, men and women are more alike than they are different in respects to sex. I think if more people stopped labeling and actually communicated better and more openly without fear, most would have a rather satisfying sex life. Intimacy and trust are very important between two people, however, understandably the most feared. Both require you to put your heart and mind openly on the line and be honest. Simple yet complex…such is the dynamic of human relationships.