Sacrifice

A friend of mine brought up an issue that I think most people are oblivious to, or so I’d like to think. Oblivion as opposed to ignorance is a much better mindset. This person was recently advised his world was going to be changing in a profound way. A little background to the person…..he is a young, single male, great career, lots of friends and a social butterfly. That being said he is the epitome of what one would call “the perfect catch”. The difference in him is that he is truly a nice guy. Not the love them and leave them type. Well, he finally gave in and had a romantic interlude with a mutual friend. Apparently, it was a onetime occurrence after a night out. Neither was drunk, so that takes that excuse out. She came back with news of an impending visit from the proverbial stork. So now, here he is on my couch staring blankly at me as if he has no idea how this could have happened. It was time to choose words carefully.

We chatted a little bit on what exactly happened (no not how, I can figure that out myself)…..but why the two of them went there. The honest response was “because I can’t resist her”. He then proceeded to drone off a list of reasons why he found her attractive. Guards were down, feelings were obviously mutual and now here we are staring the after affects in the face. After an honest question and answer session I had a whole new perception of my friend. I always advertised him as the perfect catch because he had it all and was a nice guy to boot. Now, I’m mortified that he is sitting there lashing out excuse after excuse as to how and why he can’t do this, why it isn’t right for him and how can he possibly deal with this. It made my stomach turn. He looked at me, expecting me to understand and accept his point. I was trying, really hard to see his point. I did marginally. But I have to be honest all I heard coming from him was “me, me, me, me, it’s all about me”. That is the most profound statement I have ever heard him say. Now I was in complete awe. In honesty this was the last person I expected to hear those words from. You know those friends you have that you would swear you know by heart and can tell anyone how they would respond in a crisis. He was one of them for me. But this conversation completely changed my outlook. He came up with every excuse about him and not once mentioned her. This brings me to the topic of sacrifice.

While I fully comprehend the depth of such news from both sides, male and female, it never ceases to amaze me how selfish people can turn. So, I tried my best to put him in her shoes just for a minute. I explained what it is like for a female in the same situation. I was also kind enough to mention that she not only has to deal with it, but be reminded every minute of it. After all, she is carrying it and dealing with all the symptoms.  He listened carefully, almost too where I thought he was “getting it”. Then he says, “Well, I’m not ready, I just can’t”. Sad but true how this happens to so many people and it affects both the male and females. Women are not exempt from doing dumb, foolish things either”. Sacrifice. Nice enough word and practice, although for most it is just a theory. My honest belief is that when two people make a decision to sleep together, responsibility lies on both sides. If an accident happens, both parties are equally responsible. Neither should have the luxury of sweeping it under the rug. It isn’t like you don’t want MacDonald’s so you walk out and into a Burger King. Not the same equation and it shouldn’t work that way. But alas it does nonetheless. In all cases, it isn’t always the female that is pity worthy. I know guys that single parent and do it well. So, I don’t necessarily take the woman’s side on this issue.

To sacrifice or not to sacrifice. My understanding is in this case she sacrificed a lot of things in her life and well, he wasn’t willing to even sacrifice the time to talk to her. This is one instance only, but we as individuals are called to sacrifice things for our friends, family and even strangers. What I find in what happens is we talk a good talk but we do not walk it. In theory, it shouldn’t be a hard virtue to master, but to be able to truly embody and practice it one requires courage and selflessness. While most people can and do take the call of duty seriously in their lives, others do not. The most important time to prove to yourself and know who you truly are is in a crisis. Can we put aside our own needs for the sake of others? The answer is a sad “no”. As a society we are accustomed to having our way in our time. No one can blame others for not knowing how to sacrifice; however, what I blame is the lack of effort.

By it’s purely dictionary definition; sacrifice is to deny self when self wants to come first. Basic and simple…or so one would think. I have come to understand that to deny self is the hardest things for us as humans to actually do. We are selfish with a side of wicked in many ways. In this particular case, he was so caught up in how it changes his life and what a thorn in his side this would be. He was so much so engrossed in how it affects him; he wasn’t remotely open to seeing it from her eyes. One person in this case was ready, willing and able to sacrifice whatever it takes to make it work, while the other was so busy in the “me, me, me” syndrome he couldn’t hear anything but himself.

Do we and are we as individuals truly ready to make a sacrifice, to deny ourselves for something or someone else? I’m not sure what the answer to that is. I know I am ok with sacrificing certain things for certain issues, however, I know there are some issues I am not ok with and would have a difficult time sacrificing for. I am not perfect either, but to not be willing to not only be accountable for your actions and sacrifice simple time to talk to a person you now have something in common with is outrageous. The problem is he is normally not this way at all. My belief is that he is terrified about other things, such as whether or not he is good enough, makes enough money, etc. The fear dragon rears its ugly head.

I am not sure that in this case it is his will to not make the sacrifice or whether it’s the beast of fear speaking. Either way I don’t think I made a dent in his thinking. Sad that he now lost his friendship to the girl, who can blame her, and cases like these can and almost always get very messy when people aren’t willing to talk…sacrifice their time and talk. What a concept. I know that in most cases sacrificing is an issue for people because they cannot get over themselves long enough to smell the roses. We are all guilty of it. I am no better than the next in certain circumstances as I am not always willing to let go and sacrifice things myself. In most cases, a small sacrifice can go a long way if we can get over ourselves long enough to consider the other person.